What's the alternative?

My first race, a sprint tri, is 6 weeks away.  I wrote the race director and asked her a couple questions.  My first had to do with my hearing aids.  What do I do with them while I'm swimming?  She said I could have one of the volunteers hold them or put them in my bike seat bag.  The transition area will be closed off to everyone but participants.

The second question was in regards to my time.  Since I haven't been swimming all that long, my "speed" isn't the fastest.  The race is in an indoor pool, so we line up according to predicted finish times.  She gave me the time of the slowest person.  As of today, that will result in my being last, yes, Dead. Last.
This is messing with my head.

Of course, I wrote to my coach and told her.  I recieved her answer this morning.  And she asked the inevitable question "what's the alternative?"  She has asked me that before, whenever I balk or put up a possible roadblock to achieving my goal.   She went on "you don't do it because you might be last in the water?"  

 I shot a text to a fellow triathlete, last evening, and told her of my dilemma.  This was her response, "been dead last start/finish lots.  More people to cheer you on!"  I laughed out loud when I read that.  My friend, Martha, has the ability to pull the positive out of any situation.

But I realized this morning, it's messing with my pride more than anything else.   We are in a society where being "number 1" is rewarded and the phrase "2nd place is the first loser" is common.  However, those phrases often stop people from doing what they really want to, in my case, it crossed my mind to not do that sprint.  But, it was just a momentary thought, it didn't stay.  Because my desire to achieve my goal is bigger than my pride.

I'm going to do that race and I may or may not be last.  And that will be fine.  Wendy also wrote this to me "be proud of your own accomplishments, not what others think or say about it".  

Because at the end of the race if I can, honestly, say that I did my best, then I will have truly won, no matter what "place" I came in.